How to Work a Conference As a Hottie

Larry Chiang knows how to leverage his hotness. He also sniffs out rising talent by character compassing and has showcased a few standouts in this-here blog. In addition to talking Texan, he discovered the sweet and able, Ms. Gaia Borgias Brown. If you liked “The Art of Being a Booth Babe“, “The Art of Changing the Deal“, “10 Things They Don’t Teach You at Business School” and “Working a Twitter Party, Take 2“, you’ll love Gaia’s contribution to: “How to Work a Conference As a Hottie”.

Larry’s book releases 09-09-09 and includes lots of pictures. Pictures tell a 1000 words so his book and blog have about a 1000 pictures. Good news: a 1000 1000s and you’re a millionaire.

She has a Masters in all things Asse9 (Austin Secret Society of Entrepreneurs 9) and agrees with me that if you do not own 100% of your business (debt free) you are, well, asinine. She daylights as an interactive/entertainment/radio tri-brid at Wieden+Kennedy.

By Larry Chiang and Gaia Borgias Brown

Austin, Texas — March 18th —

Two Conference Goers Get Smarter and Richer

We are hot and we worked a conference called “SXSW Interactive”. Larry, also worked the film side too cuz he is marketing film rights to his book called, “What They Don’t Teach At Stanford Business School“. Gaia just did Interactive because she was heck-bent on getting her $795 worth. Larry, made about $2000k in shareholder value (for other VC’s portfolio companies). He does not even know what that means but regurgitated it from a great panel, “VC Secrets… Plan B for Fundraising” and a great jaunt to the Salt Lick with Animoto‘s, Brad Jefferson. Brad hosted a buncha entrepreneurs Sunday night.

As the uber-hawt super-team, Larry and Gaia have joined forces to produce this three pronged guide to getting everything you need (plus some) for next to nothing.

Larry offered points #1 and #2. Gaia added point #3.

-1- Find a psuedo-date.

Conferences with massive amounts of liquor, sleep deprivation and super social people tend to yield two things: deals and hook-ups. If you want less of the latter and more of the prior, get a fake girlfriend.

Obvious reason: buffer against the waves of women.

Not so obvious reason: demand drives value.

Saying you have a girlfriend back in SF isn’t a relationship retardant, it’s actually an accelerent.  Having a fake conference girlfriend on the premises both boosts your status and protects your personal space when you find yourself on a bus heading 30 miles out of town. (Larry remembers one such spectacular jaunt to Salt Lick with Animoto’s Brad Jefferson.)

-2- Be silent. Be brooding.

Quiet brooding types look like they are thinking… people think people who think a lot are smart. If you’re blabbing about, “Business Week blogger this” and “Business Week blogger that”, you’re gonna get jealous dudes that resist your man-charm.

FYI, there is no better man-charmer than Baxter. Why, you ask? Baxter does not bark when he could be quietly studying his owner’s eccentricities. Master man-charm and you own your master.

-3- Crowd-source the conference IRL (in real life).

This means making yourself 100% available to suggested input based on the premise that where you’re wanted, people will take care of you. Drop the agenda, distance yourself from goals, and allow yourself to be a flexible, receptive ‘follower’. Your immediate environment will dictate any future action.

-3a- Treat your time like it’s a vacation.

Conferences are guaranteed to over stimulate. Even if you do manage to see everything on your list you’ll never remember it all so embrace the freedom that comes with spontaneity and when activity lulls, reflect.

(Q: Would you rather pay $20 for an hour of debate hedged with ambiguity or spend the same $20 poolside on a productive sunny afternoon?)

-3b- Re-frame your expectations.

You are going to miss a lot of panels. Good ones. You’ll find yourself listening to stuff you’d never have signed up for and you will hate hearing about acronyms and RSS feeds when everyone’s tweeting about sex-robots in the other room. But you know what? That’s what podcasts are for and let’s face it; you’re already getting all the best bits anyway.

-3c- Appreciate what you’ve got.

Just because you plopped down a grand for an educational experience doesn’t necessarily mean you signed up for 168 hours of techie-jabber in panel form. Feelings of guilt or disappointment may surface when you lose an entire day in the lounge, but your desire to compensate has potential to become the motivating force behind the greatest work of your life. Maybe.

-3d- Enjoy everybody.

Yes, everybody. You know you can’t judge a book by its cover. Especially tech-books.

-3e- Party right.

Never go the “THE” party, find the pre-party. Good parties have lines and you want to hang with the friends who skip those lines. Be aware that pre-parties are often impromptu events grow out of open spaces e.g. hotels, condos, lounges, etc. Identify key connectors who frequently initiate open-ended gatherings and do everything you can to help them make it happen.

-3f- Eat like a pauper.

Once you hit prime-time, there is NO reason to purchase either food or alcohol for the entire week as long as you pay attention to your trump cards: continental breakfast, blogger lounge, dinner hors d’ourves, and twitter updates from your favorite socialite sent straight to your phone. If there is one place popularity pays – it’s the tab.

-3g- Room like a college kid.

More than comfort, having a hotel room gives you access. The space (or even bed) itself is far less important than all the amenities a hotel provides: Safety, proximity, food and familiarity. If you’re willing to crash on the floor you can turn a $1k expense into a couple hundred bucks +change without giving up the rooftop view.

-3h- Live like a rock-star.

Consider your surroundings and think about how others (especially those in the service industry) perceive you. You are just one more person in a sea of unfamiliar faces studded with celebrity. Your approach will directly determine whether people treat you like “that guy” or “The Man”. Heck, you could be Joaquin Phoenix for all they know 😉

-3i- Listen, sandbag and surprise.

The best intro is the unexpected (this is especially true of you’re asymmetrically-challenged). A funny quip or revealing insight is far more memorable than the ol’ handshake/business card routine. Be an enjoyable conversationalist then raise a few eyebrows when you take the hard line.

-3j- Ditch the book and write in bullets.

The internet-addicted want to get down-n-dirty ASAP. Compress info by exporting thoughts in bite-sized nuggets. (Twitter, anyone?)  Added bonus – bulleted statements make you sound like an expert.

(Larry wants Triple Option Press to rest assured, all his best stuff is in the book.)

Larry Chiang started Asse9 and renamed it Duck9. No one could spell asinine so Duck9 was kept. It credit educates college students on how to establish and maintain a FICO score over 750. Even if Congress and the World Bank trust him and get mentored by him, hide your daughter anyway. Asse9 is Austin Secret Society of Entrepreneurs 9.


He is a frequent contributor to Business Week’s blog on “What They Don’t Teach You at Business School“. For fun, Larry blogs, cut and pastes bestsellers from the 80s and hoops it up at Arrillaga Center for Sports and Recreation. Text or call him during office hours 11:11am or 11:11pm PST +/-11 minutes at 650-283-8008.